A mile high at Bandimere

8/8/03

f there is one race that I look forward to attending, it's NHRA's annual clambake in Sonoma, California, the Autolite Nationals. I've been blessed with some wonderful friends over the years and many of them are in the Bay Area. The late Mike Mitchell, "Flowmaster Gumbo," the hardest working man in show business Johnny Brown and his charming wife Retie, Bob Leone, and a host of other sixties survivors.

From the South, we would come to meet up with this crew. Me, Terry Lee Minks, Bobby Wong, character extraordinaire Phil "Soapy" Weiss, and Los Banos mothertrucker (I guess that's not Southern California) Jerry Negus. This head-on meeting some years would match what goes on in one of those super colliders near Billy Meyer's Motorplex in Ennis, Texas. BOOOOM! Millions of atoms skittering wildly in the rarified air over Sonoma, California.

This year's convention would be held in altered climes from what we, or more correctly, I had experienced in recent years. This was not your Dad's Sears Point Int'l Raceway. This was your crack-smoking son's new Infineon Raceway.

I missed last year's race when they unveiled Bruton Smith's new racing emporium, but I was forewarned. It wasn't like we knew it. No "Let's Twist Again Like We Did Last Year" vibes. I'm here to tell ya, though, the new place was pretty good. Better than I had expected. One of the areas where I fall down is that I assume anything corporate is horse-pucky. These people have the hearts of Blackjack dealers, I surmised. Maybe generally that's true, but in the case of race tracks, 'tain't necessarily so.

For one thing, that giant bleacher Smith erected on the pit side of the track was a bone of contention for me. I liked being able to sit in the house-trailer/mobile home section on the ridge to the west of the racing surface, actually seeing a given race as well as watching ala ESPN TV or whatever. Those days are over. Dammit.

But. That big new bleacher affords a commanding view of an entire quarter-mile race and if you sit in any of the personal (with backs) seats from rows (roughly) 25 through 50, you get that view with shade and a light breeze. Infineon has individual seats, not bleacher butt welders, but baseball stadium-style seating...with drink or make that cup holders. Great. No problems here, save for one.

The rows up that big bleacher (50 even) will do nothing to discourage the fact that the "over 40" crowd is getting older. I'm 56, stand 6'0" and weigh roughly 165 pounds to a 170 topper. That climb from row one to row 37 on Saturday and row 40 on Sunday is a mother.

I don't care how young you think you are, but when you go from 1 to 39, you arrive at your seat with your tongue hanging out like Seabiscuit. You feel needles in your face. You feel on the verge of serious Tim Leary hallucination probability.

They have an elevator in the back of the bleacher structure, but it's for the cripples. Hey, if you've hung out at the drags for 40 years as a serious participant in bleacherland football, you are, by definition, a cripple. If you're a drunk, you can't use the elevator. I tested these bastards. I came up to the door dragging my left leg. Said I left my prosthesis at the hotel. They dropped me like a bad habit.

Warning. Be careful. That big bleacher is a serious-ass challenge for even the athletically inclined.

The other thing that I missed from the old set up was the travel to the car. Tired of paying $5 for a beer, why not trek up the road to Gold Key Parking or Parking Lot 1? Why not? I'll tell you why not. Lance Armstrong couldn't make it up those inclines on one of his $8,000 bicycles. So help me, I tried going from Ground Zero, Level 1 of the Infineon bleachers to Parking Lot 1 in search of a beer. The journey was all uphill and uphill for a good half mile. After three hours in an oxygen tent, I made it to my target area only to find that the people I wanted to connect with were gone. I simply tucked myself into a ball and rolled 200 yards back down to the Infineon bleachers.

You think I'm kidding? You do?

The other thing about Infineon that grabbed me by the tie while it was still in the fly was the race track itself. If you are ground level and at half- to three-quarter track, you get a fabulous optical illusion. It looks like two dragstrips that are parallel to each other. The one lane closest to the new grandstand is part (I guess) of the NASCAR, IRL deal and runs right alongside the dragstrip. For better than an hour, I stared at two dozen Honda CH 150s parked diagonally in that lane, waiting for the races...which occurred directly behind them.

Track management hired in a couple of motorcycle stunt riders to please the fans during an oil-down, and I got to see some wild visuals. The stunt bikers were just cleaning up their act with their last full track wheelies (going TOWARDS the starting line), while two Alcohol Funny Cars were beginning their charge down the Infineon quarter-mile. You talk about photo and caption possibilities. Here's 19-year-old Mark Farner doing a wheelstand right into "Bucky" Austin's front grille; I mean that's the way it looked. I know, I know, things are not always as they appear. Certainly at Infineon Raceway.

Despite the tremendous distances to the parking area, the track did have a fairly functional shuttle system, although at the end of the race, the people in the bleachers formed a 100-person line (at times) to get aboard. But, what the hell, that's why God invented pot or, at least beer.

Overall, I give a good strong A-- to B+ for Infineon Raceway and its environs. Marin County may be one of the two or three most beautiful stops on the NHRA tour and there is always something to do in San Rafael, Stinson Beach, Bolinas or San Francisco.

And when you include great company like I had, it should be a "can't miss" on your calendar.