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10/8/04
Serenity Now!
One of my favorite characters from the Jerry Seinfeld
sitcom was played by veteran comic/actor Jerry Stiller. Everything
was a crisis with his character. With him there truly was
a fist-fight in every glass of beer. In one episode at
the height of a rant he screamed the words "Serenity
now!" in
an effort to calm himself.
I'd forgotten that scene until a few nights ago when I
happened on an episode of that idiot show American Choppers
(do we really need to see these guys playing golf or riding
horses?) and heard "Big Paul" Teutel utter those
same words after yet another screaming confrontation with
son Paulie.
I see some the Jerry Stiller and Paul Teutel characters
in myself these days. I've been letting events that I have
absolutely no control of make me crazy. Let me give you
a few examples of what I mean.
When I heard the new rules that were being proposed for
the 2005 NHRA AMS Pro Mod series that would essentially
eliminate nitrous oxide-injected combinations by taking
100 lbs. off the minimum weight for blown cars and increase
the maximum overdrive to 29 percent, penalize any car with
current body styles by adding 100 lbs. to their minimum
weight, and, if the rumors are true, would legalize turbocharged
engine combinations, I freaked. Basically these rules if
adopted by the guys in charge would sooner than later turn
NHRA Pro Mod into a five-second blown or turbocharged class.
I especially got worried about the rumored turbo rule when
I heard that Stephan Papadakis recently ran a 6.541/211.73
in a 183 cubic inch, twin turbocharged, V-6 powered Don
Ness built Honda Civic then backed it up with a 6.55!
Yeah, let's up the overdrive, reduce the weight and allow
turbos, and everyone will be in the fives. Turbocharged
engines in the hands of guys like Howard Moon, Chuck Ford,
Darren Mayer or Jim Oddy won't be faster than any other
combination, will they?
If they weren't it would be the first time in the history
of auto racing that turbos didn't dominate a class once
let in. My stomach churned over that scenario for more
than couple of days.
Then I heard the numbers from the NHRA race at Chicago
and the reports of Top Fuel and Fuel Funny Car tires still
shredding and chunking. I even found out that my hero, Chris
Karamesines, spun the centers out of his tires at Chicago
so badly that it bent the rims. I really agonized about
that for a few days because I worry about guys I know driving
those cars and crashing. I wanted to write a screaming editorial
about all of the above . . . then I had a clarifying moment.
For some reason I started thinking about an old military
saying that goes "You can't be a victim if you volunteer." It
gave me a little peace.
I've decided that Pro Modified is just that, Pro Modified.
It is a class that traditionally has gone its own way without
consideration for what anyone from track owners to sponsors
to journalists—especially Journalists—thought
was right.
That's why there are "outlaw" Pro Mod circuits,
all-nitrous or all-supercharged circuits. Circuits that
allow screw blowers and/or nitro, circuits that allow turbocharging,
and those that require automatic transmissions. Hell, there
are even Pro Mod races where gasoline and carburetors are
common. The point is that Pro Modified is really a state
of the mind, not a structured class. Anyone can call anything
a Pro Modified because these days there are really no universal
set of rules. So I'm going to quit worrying about the class
and just go where my interest and the interest of the readers
dictate. They'll let me and everyone else know what they
want to see and read about and will pay to watch.
As for my friends driving Top Fuel and Funny Cars, they
all know they are driving 300-mph dangerous cars and they
do it because they want to. It's no different than Brian
Binnie strapping himself into Burt Rutan's spaceship and
flying it 360,000 ft. up over the Mojave desert. You couldn't
have kept that guy out of the seat with a gun. Same applies
to fast racecar drivers. The only thing they are afraid
of is that if they don't drive the car someone else will.
So, I will be nervous like everyone else when my friends
and acquaintances drive fuel cars but I won't make myself
crazy about it anymore, and I won't worry anymore about the
Pro Modified class. I can't do anything about either. So
I say to one and all "Senility Now"—er, I
mean "Serenity Now!" Really. 
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