It’s the best of times 10/27/05
As an avalanche of 4.70s came up on the board, Romine and I sat there, slack-jawed like everyone else, watching pair after pair of fuel coupes charge down the best track either of us had ever seen. One pair of cars after another made side-by-side runs with giant flames spewing out of the pipes, over the roof, then bending back over the rear spoiler. Almost every time the board numbers lit up it signaled someone’s career best ET! The 4.70s were cheap! By the end of the session Gary Scelzi sat on the pole with a mind-bending (for an altitude track) 4.746 and Gary Densham was on the bump spot with a 4.834. Romine, I and the crowd of racers, manufacturers, crews and journalists sitting in those stands had just watched the best fuel Funny Car session in the history of the sport. We had seen a session that should have put us all in a state of nitro-induced euphoria. Sadly, it didn’t appear that be the case. The truth is that during that entire remarkable session I was never moved to get on my feet by the drama or action I was watching. And I’m sad to say that none of those sitting around us did either. By the time the last pair were doing their burnouts, my mind wasn’t on the speeds or ET's. Instead, I was pre-occupied by the fact that my butt was sore from sitting on that aluminum bleacher for a couple of hours and that I had paid 22 of my hard-earned bucks to purchase Romine and myself just one frozen Margarita each. (Romine did buy the second round.) As we headed back to the pits after the last pair ran, Romine peeled off to go see his pals on the Dexter Tuttle crew and I hoofed it toward the tower, trying to reason why none of those who watched that historic session showed much, if any, enthusiasm. I thought back to the many times that I had sat in the grandstands at an NHRA event watching nitro car qualifying when the fans stood up to watch almost every pass. I tried to determine what was different for me and those around me about today’s fuel cars, and then -- to steal a line from the Firesign Theater -- it hit me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist. That fuel session I had just watched reminded me more of a Pro Stock or Super Gas qualifying session in that every car ran nearly the same speed and elapsed time. The fact is that there was just 88-thousandths of second difference between the number one qualifier and the number 16. That is Pro Stock qualifying. I decided that perhaps the reason those knowledgeable spectators, Romine and I were somewhat blasé about what we saw was that we all had probably witnessed quicker ET’s and faster speeds than what we saw that night. Perhaps, because of the restrictive rules instituted by the NHRA to ensure that the fuel cars' performances would be limited, we were all fairly certain that we weren’t going to see a record Funny Car elapsed time in the mid-4.60’s or speeds over 333 mph. In other words, there was nothing to anticipate. The NHRA rule makers, if just for that one session, had achieved that which they have long sought: A level playing field. Arrghh! I’m one of those that screamed the loudest after Darrell Russell got killed that NHRA had to make the cars safer. I just never imagined that their solution would neuter the nitro classes. As I flew back to Missouri on Monday I was still thinking about my lack of enthusiasm and what is was about nitro racing that has made me an addict of it for so long. I came to the conclusion that the overriding factor has always been the unpredictability of the cars that burn that smelly, yellow rocket fuel instead of alcohol or gasoline. From the first time I saw and heard a car burning nitro, part of the attraction was that no one knew for sure if the car was going to just go really fast, explode the engine, or perform some other assault on my senses. Each experience with a nitro car used to offer the chance of a unique experience, to see a record speed or ET or a fire and explosion resulting in a car that was just a ball of fire hurtling towards the sand trap. Yessss!!!! Sadly, with the advent of politically correct racing predicated on instituting stifling rules designed to absolutely control the nitro cars' performance and the tuners' innovation, fuel cars have gone from being an unlimited race car to just another “spec” car like those we watch in NASCAR, F-1 and the IRL. I feel that the attraction nitro race cars held for me and my peers is starting to wane. I fear that before long record ET’s in Top Fuel will be determined by the thousandth of a second. Yuk. I wonder if all the twice-a-year fans that showed up at Las Vegas really care about is close racing. Do they want drag racing to have the same contrived drama that NASCAR foments by having fields of identical cars and races where yellow flags and arcane rules are used to ensure the last laps or last 10 races are drama-filled? The biggest crowd reaction I heard all weekend at Vegas was after a “pedal fest” in the first round of Top Fuel. A junk surface that challenged the expertise of both the tuners and the drivers brought the crowd to their feet, not the 4.48 lap that Tony Schumacher made in the final. Close racing is exciting to be sure, but not enough to make Super Gas, Super Comp or even Pro Stock the main fan attraction at NHRA/IHRA events. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Please stop the homogenizing of fuel racing. We now have rev-limiters that absolutely control Top Speed. We are never going to see a 340-mph pass or probably another 337-mph pass for that matter. So why is NHRA continuing to implement rules that are ultimately sucking all of the creativity and unpredictability out of nitro racing? The NHRA officials are doing their best to make rules designed to prevent parts failure, too much speed, too much horsepower, to prevent any tuner from getting an advantage, prevent any team from dominating. Hell, if they thought they could get away with it, they’d probably make Don Schumacher get Alan Johnson a frontal lobotomy. The NHRA and some racers who are just in it for the money will probably be happy when Top Fuel and Funny Car are just a nitro-burning version of the Pro Stock class. I say keep the rev limiters because they’ll stop engine explosions and oil downs -- that has been proven. Cut way back on track prep and limits on nitro percentage, and put more emphasis on the tuner’s abilities and innovation. There is still time to stop the madness, but not much. In the meantime, I’ll still be watching NHRA fuel cars and getting a dose whenever a nitro car warms up, but I’m also going to attend more independent drag races where the rules aren’t so restrictive, where creativity is encouraged and where points are awarded for breaking both speed and ET records. Races where you want to get off your butt and on your feet to see if this is going to be “the pass.” And oh yeah, tracks where $11 will buy you a gallon of Margaritas.
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y
friend, former IHRA Top Fuel champ Paul Romine and I sat on the
aluminum that makes up the racer/sponsor grandstands at Bruton Smith’s
magnificent speed palace known as “The Strip at Las Vegas
Motor Speedway” watching Saturday night’s unbelievable
Funny Car session during the Las Vegas Nationals. The desert night
air was crystal clear and the air temp hovered around 70 degrees,
and we each had a frozen margarita in our hand. Simply put, the
conditions were absolutely perfect for watching or racing nitro-burning
race cars. 
