"Concourse, eh? OK. Anything else on the car you want
me to fix?"
"Yeah, the ventilation system doesn’t work very
well. I don't get enough fresh air in the car."
"Fresh air? No problem. Look, guy, don't worry. I'm
Tony."
Tony's Hard-Core Neon & Interiors is one of those high-class
shops that takes about a year to complete a job, and they
just keep sending bills in the mail to cover their hours and
parts. So Joe figures he's getting a real Platinum Award quali¬ty
restoration. The Satellite is completed just three days before
the Nats.
"Hey, Joe, baby. Your car's ready. It came out dynamite."
Joe gets down to the shop so fast, he leaves flaming tire
tracks like in "Back To The Future."
"Hey, Tony. Where's the car?"
"Over here."
"Over where? And, what's that, that...thing over their
with the...the... hair?"
Boat windshield replaces stock
glass so perfectly, it fools all but the most knowledgeable
of concours judges. |
"Joe, baby, that's your car!"
"Nnnnmmggh." Gasp!
"Joe, baby, wassamatter? Check it out. Look, no more
ugly rust spots, no more washing, no more waxing."
Gasp! Gasp! "Nnhhhmggrghl." Gasp!
"Yeah, it's indoor-outdoor carpeting. Covers the whole
body. It's a Tony's Hard-Core exclusive. Yeah, and that problem
about not getting enough fresh air in the car? Your entire
heating/ventilation system was shot. So I solved the problem
by cutting the roof and trashing the doors. Man, you get fresh
air up the wazoo. Looks like the car in the Munsters TV show.
Neato, eh? That windshield, by the way, is off a boat—
another Tony's Hard-Core exclusive. So's the rear light. I
do boats, too, but there wasn't enough room on my sign to
include it."
"Rrrggghhmmnn." Gasp! Puke!
Check out those NOS taillamp bezels.
Rare Redwood log bumpers are correct for this car as assembly-line
workers turned to the local lumber yard when the bumper
parts bin ran dry. Only about 25 cars were turned out
with these bumpers. |
"Joe, baby, chill out, you're turning colors. I know
you're excited to see your car, but my insurance don't cover
if you croak in my shop. Here, let's step out¬side. Hey,
remember those ugly pitted bumpers? Check it out. Genuine
California Redwood log bumpers. Man, you can go through a
brick wall with these babies, and they're maintenance-free.
Gasp! "Aaarrgghh." Choke!
"Joe, baby, where ya' goin'? Come back. Goombah, check
out these neat new neon lights. They make your whole car flash
in different colors—like it's gonna blow up. Freaks
everybody ou..." 
|
