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TEN THINGS I REALLY HATED ABOUT THE SEASON JUST PAST
#1 IN OR OUT - PRO MOD DOES NHRA, OR VISA VERSA Really, if and when this whole mess is settled, will anyone care? Besides those who represent Pro Mod racers, in one capacity or another, I do not believe anyone, including the average NHRA fan gives a hoot if Pro Mods are in the mix or not. NHRA fans go to NHRA races to see NITRO racers!! Give yourself the acid test. Buy a ticket, go to an event and watch as the masses watch NITRO cars go down the track, see the masses migrate to the pits to see NITRO cars torn apart and repaired, witness the masses risk life and limb to breathe in NITRO warm-up sessions. After witnessing, ask yourself if your favorite class of race car can really hold up in comparison to NITRO racing. Rational folks will know the answer to give. No car-I repeat, NO car on the grounds generates the kind of frenzy among paying spectators that NITRO cars do. Is Pro Mod an interesting class? No doubt about it! Would it be nice to see them race at NHRA events. Sure thing! Will they ever transcend the NITRO cars, as some Pro Mod drivers have stated in interviews? Come on, fellas, get a grip! Ain't gonna happen. I think Don Prudhomme said it best recently. At an NHRA press function prior to the Las Vegas event, an "on-staff motorsports journalist" asked the Snake what he thought of another form of drag racing, currently being touted as the future of professional drag racing. He thought about giving them the answer they were seeking, but finally had to give them the straight poop. To paraphrase Mr. Prudhomme, he said"... Professional drag racing is Top Fuel and Nitro Funny Car." Oh, he said Pro stock also, but I don't think he meant it. And while I'm no big fan of Prudhomme. I have to agree with the man on this one. If ya wanna be a drag racing pro, ya gotta burn the evil yellow liquid. End of story. #2 LET'S PUT THE BIG TIRES IN FRONT, HOMES!! I ain't even gonna get started on how little claim to the national event pie the import racers have. This is a safety gripe. Let me draw you a really imperfect analogy. Years ago, Gary Gabelich rolled to the starting line in a four wheel drive, nitro Vega funny car. Well, guess what -- it crashed. Couldn't have been steered by Paul Bunyan, much less GG. And I do believe a few of the front drive, higher horsepower imports have already met a similar fate. Drag racing is a rear wheel drive sport -- period! If an import racer just has to have front wheel drive, I say hook him up with two in the back as well, and point him in the direction of SCCA Pro Rally racing. Those particular imports haul ass through the backwoods of Michigan and other exotic locales, and look good doing it! Check it out on the Speed Channel sometime soon. It's a damn better TV show than watching imports shimmying down the 1320! #3 LET'S PUT FIVE TURBOS ON IT - THAT OUGHTA DO IT!! Just because a fella can build a given engine combination doesn't mean it's a good idea. And it's not necessarily a good idea to actually put it into a race car. And here's the real point. It is not a particularly good idea for a sanctioning body to give that combination a place to race. Without getting into any of the particulars, I just feel NHRA, and other groups ought to take a step back and thoroughly go through all relevant chassis specs, safety specs and engine dynamics information as it relate to drag racing turbocharged vehicles. If John Lingenfelter can lose the handle on one of these things, so too could most of the young guns who practice this form of drag racing. Some food for thought, I hope. #4 THEY HAVE A TRUCK BED, LET'S DUMP SOME MORE SH#* ON THEM! I mean really, what did these guys to do to all y'all out there? Did they cut your fences? Did they take liberties with your daughter? Did they dam up the creek? Hell no - I'll tell you what they did. They built lots of trucks, bought lots of expensive engines, showed up in droves, and put on close, if uninspiring drag races. In other words, they did exactly what NHRA wanted them to do. Don't blame the truckers for the style of racing that transpired. NHRA wrote a spec, and the races adhered to it. I think NHRA panicked, plain and simple. When the big four truck makers failed to fork over the big advertising windfall to NHRA, I believe NHRA flinched and scratched out Pro Stock Truck. A simple change of engine style (say, blown crate motors) might have been enough to right the ship. But it is apparently too late for that. #5 THAT DAMN LAWSUIT IS GONNA RUIN THE SPORT! Please, please, please go out and get some sophistication, people. This is how things are in big business. Somebody does you like you don't like, you lawyer up. Frankly, NHRA doesn't walk and talk like a not-for profit entity. And when they don't, they invite the kind of treatment the Pro truckers are putting on them. No one can tell me this mess wouldn't dry up if NHRA would open up their lovin' arms and take the truckers back. If the truckers want to call themselves pros, that's okay -- they just won't be on TV. As to the oft-repeated theory about the lawsuit holding up the inclusion of Pro Mod (right alongside the "NHRA said there wouldn't be anymore pro categories" statement), I think that's a lot of hogwash. Ask yourself this question. Since when did NHRA hesitate to do exactly what it wanted to do? I think you know the answer, especially if you have ever tried to do business with them. They do what they will, lawsuits and public opinion be damned. In summary, if Pro Mod isn't a major part of NHRA drag racing, it's because NHRA doesn't see sufficient financial advantages in making them a major part. Maybe they know what Don Prudhomme knows. #6 IT'S ONLY A HUNDRED AND FIVE OUT THERE - JUST SELL MORE BEER! Actually, this one has been solved. Only fair to provide an example of NHRA fixing something that needed it. Last year's race at St.' Louis was almost my last-last anything!! Without being dramatic, I think it was the closest I have ever come to dying of heat prostration. If they hadn't thrown me off of the starting line on Sunday, I think I would have become a statistic. For once, thanks to NHRA for being overly concerned about who is cluttering up the photo area with his or her presence. Anyway, the 2003 St. Louis race will be contested largely at night, to avoid the deadly heat that has plagued the event in recent years. Good show, NHRA! Now, about those other heatbox races on the schedule. Can we talk? How about that. I could only think of six major gripes. Hey, some of those six contain sub-gripes, so you got your money's worth anyway. Besides, the winter is young, and there will be plenty of hot-stove bitchin' in the coming months. Stay tuned for more back biting, exciting drag racing news. Later.
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I
hope I can't actually think of ten things to speak negatively on in
this column (I often title my columns before I fully conceive of the
content). But I could probably think of ten things in the Pro Mod world
alone! So I swill try to stick to the major issues in a given drag racing
discipline, and not sweat the small stuff. Anyway, I'll just dive in
and start swingin' -- the gripes are not listed in any particular order,
or importance for that matter!
