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 IT'S
TOO HOT TO DRAG RACE!!!
OK, OK - I know it's never too hot to go drag racing. But it was darn
close to it at the recently concluded St. Louis NHRA national event.
I knew the heat was getting the best of me while I was talking with
longtime friend Vicki Fanning, who along with husband Brent was helping
out Missouri Top Fuel rookie Scott Palmer at the St. Louis race. We
were on our way back to the Palmer pit area to say Howdy to Brent, when
I had to excuse myself from her company, lest I fall out, face down
on the pavement right in front of her. It would have been embarrassing
and unhealthy, all in one "fell" swoop. (Get it?) The Fanning's are
some of my favorite people, and they usually bring along some fine food
from Texas, so when I can't keep myself in play long enough to take
advantage of said situation, I must be, literally, toast!
As I recall the weekend, the heat-related anecdotes easily outnumber
the racing type stories. I remember sitting in Jack Wyatt's pit area,
being amazed at how the crew guys were able to stay busy on the race
car, and stay out of the trauma center. The only time I could bring
myself to look at the thermometer on the side of Wyatt's trailer, it
said, "101, you stupid masochist." I couldn't disagree, as all the hard
data was on the side of the stupid theory. Everywhere ya looked, there
were people in misery. And most of them paid a premium price for the
privilege.
Take for instance fellow DRO columnist and standout Super Comp racer
Jok Nicholson. Jok and wife Barb were comfortably ensconced west of
the drag strip proper, fashionably close to the front straight of the
Gateway oval track. When the Large Editor and I arrived by golf cart,
J & B were simmering nicely, awash in the heat of The Swamp. Cost of
the tropical vacation at NHRA land? I think Jok said "$270" -- it's
all getting lost in the haze and the heat. And to think he only had
to beat out 119 other Super Compers. Heck this drag racing stuff is
a walk in the park, ain't it?
And that just illustrates the plight of the racers. A goodly number
of them have a motor home they can retreat to. But how about the fans?
Ever seen the movie, Hombre, with Paul Newman? Part of it involves Newman's
character putting the others through a more-or-less forced march across
the desert, hoping to reach water before meeting the Grim Reaper. They
make it, but not by much. Not a few of the fans in St. Louis had that
same Hombe ambiance going on, as they trudged to and from the parking
lot and the unforgiving bleachers, hard by the searing asphalt strip.
OK, I'm still hot and it's affecting my hyperbole. But that's not the
point.
The point is, what would it take to get a roof of some kind, any kind,
put up to give the spectators a little shade while they watch the races?
Some tracks have some semblance of a roof - I think Las Vegas does.
Even my favorite armpit of a track, Tulsa Int. has a roof, though it
looks sort of chicken-coopish. Hey, when the sun's a blazin', style
points don't count. Last I looked, seats don't come cheap at these deals.
Seems some shade would be a nice perk to go with the territory. And,
boys, don't even talk about the cost. I, and those who swelter, don't
want to hear it!
Anyway, I was going to use this column to unveil my master plan wherein
I retool the NHRA national event format and solve all of drag racing's
problems. But it's too hot! And it's gonna be too hot tomorrow, too!
Shoot! I forgot to talk about how useless it is to run nitro cars in
this kind of daylight heat! I got too hot to remember it! I'm sooo hot,
I think my next drag race will be in September - in Alaska! Do they
have one of those?
So, stay cool for now, unless ya just gotta go to the drag strip. Rumor
has it drag racing is a lot of fun. But it's hot, too! Later.
racer4339@aol.com
photo by Jeff Burk
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