WWF-A-GO-GO

You can file this under Unabashed Kissing of Ass, but so be it. I for one could not be happier with the results of Funny Car at the just-completed NHRA Winston Finals. John Force? A great Funny Car champ and even greater human being. But damn, if someone other than Force was destined to win Funny Car (and I say this being friendly with many of the teams) from a getting-drag racing-off-to-the-launch-it-needs approach, Jerry Toliver's win with the "Stone Cold" Steve Austin Funny Car couldn't have come at a better time. WWF (World Wrestling Federation as if you needed any help) and Steve Austin are winners in a gigantic way OUTSIDE of drag racing, and believe me, bro and sis, we need this (we, as in drag racing) in a laaaarrgge way.

Lemme tell you about "Stone Cold's" bad self. Steve Austin was born in Dallas, Texas on Dec. 18, 1964 where 35 years later he grew to 6'2" at 241 pounds. You talk about accomplishment, check it out! The 1990 Pro Wrestling Illustrated Rookie of the Year, two-time WWF Intercontinental Heavyweight champ (both in 1997), member of the WWF World Tag Team Title Championship Team (with Shawn Michaels in May 1997 and Dude Love in July of 1997), NWA/WCW Tag Team World Champ (with Brian Pillman, March 1993), NWA/WCW U.S. Heavyweight title (Dec. 1993), NWA/WCW Television Championship (June 1991, May 1992) and on it goes to the big apple, the WWF Heavyweight Championship of the world.

Think about it. The majority of Pro wrestling matches were held in high school gymnasiums before a few thousand diehards 30 years ago; today Vince McMahon and the WWF can fill the Pontiac, Michigan Silverdome, as it did on March 29, 1987, with 93,173 fans or as it did at Wembley Stadium in England on August of 1992 with 80,355 fans. The biggest crowd in history for a wrestling extravaganza was (estimated figure) 190,000 for an April 28-29, 1995 card at the Pyongyang International Sports and Cultural Festival for Peace in Korea where Antonio Inoki defeated Ric Flair in front of a crowd that posted $8.5-million overall. We drag racers do all right at the box office, but 190,000 at eight-million? No.

The other guys enjoy impossibly proportioned women delicately balanced on stiletto heels, keeping the Grand Marnier and cocaine flowing with a view of the Atlantic ocean, while we pocket a modest profit and give 'em dull-ass sermons and patriotism on Sunday. Sure, our cars go 330-mph, but geez Louise, certainly we can come up with gift-wrapping better than a daily newspaper.

Look at WWF's promo's on the Funny Cars. "Whoop ass," "Austin 3:16." The McMahon-ites know all about aggressive marketing. NHRA and IHRA approach it like the "Teletubbies."

We drag race-ites welcome aboard any and all sponsors especially after the disastrous 1999 season where JerZees, Pioneer Entertainment, Mopar and nearly half dozen others hit the road. Now and then, though, someone comes along who looks like an ideal marriage partner. Wrestling makes a big noise; it has made deep inroads into the type of fandom that buy t-shirts, love to yell at the top of their lungs, and know and appreciate a big loud bang for their buck. It's to the credit of relative newcomer Jerry Toliver that he was able to recognize this and get the grapplers aboard the Good Ship Lollipop.

The learning opportunities from a WWF for NHRA (since they're the only organization running Funny Car) are considerable. We drag racers have had some bright moments but nothing within a light year of Wrestlemania. Not only that, but the way McMahon and the gang at the WWF successfully negotiated the treacherous waters of a steroid controversy a couple of years ago leads me to believe that drag racing can learn much about the dos and don'ts of corporate infighting from the grunt and groaners.

Being a wrestling fan, I couldn't be happier that the WWF will be at the races, and, after the Winston Finals, winning them as well. I don't want to bestow on them a savior’s mantle; they may wind up picking our pockets and leaving us in a ditch with the ants crawling over our faces. However, the WWF is part of a world that has only been briefly contacted successfully. These guys are winners and masters at getting mass exposure. It's great to have the car, car accessories and oil people a part of the program, but when a WWF gets in, it shows a certain sophistication.

If NHRA drag racing can nail down wrestling, service them well, and make them happy, then why not something from the movies, from the rock n' roll world, from television, the porno ... well, I'm probably getting a little carried away, but the inclusion of WWF into the drag racing picture can only be seen as a real good thing. I hope they will feel that way about us.

 

photo by Jeff Burk

 

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