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FUNNY CAR

Next! Aw, what the hell. What can I say? Nothing can stop the Duke of Earl. John Force has the most money, the best crew, the best shop, the best operation, and the second and third best running Funny Cars in the world. If Force himself doesn't win it, then I'd bet my car that Tony Pedregon will or maybe Gary Densham might squeak by.

To have Force as an opponent has got to be the most frustrating thing in the world for the other Funny Car drivers. At times, it's gotta be like a McDonald's fry cook taking on the IRS. Not only does Force have all the bases covered on and at the track, but he has the minds locked down as well.

Force is one of those rare self-made man. No hidden knock at younger drivers like Dixon or Brandon Bernstein, but Force fought and clawed for every nickel he ever pocketed. Nobody gave him nothing. He started out dirt poor and came out filthy rich .. well, at least, comfortably so. Anyway, that's what keeps his flames stoked and his fans loyal.

The only driver I think that has an outside shot at keeping the empire from striking back is Del Worsham. He and his dad and the Checker/Shucks/Kragen team have made one hell of a lot of progress over the last few years. Charted on a graph, their moves would be upward, but that will be only so high.

As Edward G. Robinson said to Steve McQueen in the poker classic movie The Cincinnati Kid, "You're good kid, real good, but as long as I'm around you're going to be number two."

PRO STOCK

Defending champ Jeg Coughlin won eight of the last 12 races of the 2002 season. That spells momentum, and unless he spent the Christmas holidays in the Columbus, Ohio drunk tank, I don't think he'll scrub any of it off. To my way of thinking, National DRAGSTER made the right call in naming Coughlin its pro driver of the year. Of the three pro classes, the Pro Stock category has the most parity. It is not at all unusual to have the 16 qualifiers qualified within a half-second or so of each other, which means you could also call the class Pro Holeshot Eliminator. (Which sucks to my way of thinking, I enjoy a good old-fashioned slaughter every now and then).

As with the above two classes, the thing that Coughlin has going for him is consistency. Warren and Kurt Johnson can run with him as can Jim Yates, Ron Krisher, and a few others, but there are certain races where those guys appear to be waiting for room service to show, while Jeg Jr. is in the LA-Z-BOY(r) getting his feet massaged.

The only dinner interruption I can see for Coughlin is a crash or that the Johnsons get their act together.

E.T.s and MPH:

TOP FUEL

Just a pair of 4.49s were run last year, both of those at the 2002 Winternationals, and the only 330s were registered at that race as well. NHRA's desire to limit oildowns and cut back on the wear and tear may have worked but it has defanged one of the most exciting things about the drag racing sport. There are an awful lot of fans who like to see record runs like a Tony Schumacher 333-mph charge, and you can include this writer.

Don't look for any improvement. I mean, if the weather is superb at one of the NHRA fast lanes like Pomona, Chicago, the Motorplex, Houston or Maple Grove you might get a 4.48 or 4.49. No one should go 333 mph this season. To quote Maynard G. Krebs of the old Dobie Gillis show, "Dullsville, man."

And if you have a hard time swallowing that, think about this. Say this year at Chicago someone runs a 4.43 or 4.44 or goes 334 or 335-mph, would that not be a royal kick in the ass? Would that fly in the face of the homogenized, corporate look of the class? I'd think so, and would welcome it with open arms.

FUNNY CAR and PRO STOCK

I just don't see any super runs. A 4.73 by Funny Car is about as fast as they can go. However, given the resourcefulness of the Force camp or the tuning talents of a Lee Beard, one of the cars might leak down to a 4.72 and go as fast as a 327.03, but I wouldn't bet my life on it.

Of the three Pro classes, I would think Pro Stock might see its bests submerged. Just to be different, I'd say that one of the Johnsons might go 205 and either they or Coughlin would hit a 6.73 or 6.74.

As far as predicting how drag racing will go as a whole ... sorry to say it, folks, but it all depends on the economy. If people can afford the drags, they'll go. If not, they'll be here with me.

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