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Lemme tell you what the father of modern stand-up comedy, Lenny Bruce said before his death. And if you don't know Bruce or his work, consider that guys like George Carlin, Chris Rock, and hundreds of others have a statue of him on their dashboards. He freed the modern stage of a hang-up with so-called "dirty language" and it changed comedy, and dare I say, most movies and television forever. You tell it like it is, pal, the good, bad and the ugly. Bruce's opinion in a paraphrased quote (you notice I paraphrase a lot; memory's gone to shit): "Dirty words? Let me give you the answer in advance: There are none!"

Hold it, Martin, c'mon you're equating Lenny Bruce with Bazemore and there's no dirty words? ... don't try and pass that shit here. Why not? Everyone you know swears with the right motivation, including the moms and the kids. Special words for special situations. That's why people let one go now and then.

Can you imagine the following?

ANNOUNCER: Whit, sure looks like the old Matco Tools Funny Car struggled to get down the course in that losing run?

W.B. Well, right you are. The adhesive qualities of the racing surface appear to have degenerated somewhat from qualifying, no doubt due to the sun beating down on the rubber and oil and the fact that the surface has not been repaved and/or fortified in the past 25 years. But golly, I'm not a paving contractor, still the situation does produce a mental conundrum of sorts.


So, what's $10,000 off base of shortening that diatribe to the track is shit? The track sucks? (Oblique sexual reference there) No, I think Bazemore stated succinctly and correctly his feelings and there wasn't anything remotely offensive about it.

Now, I know the inevitable, well maybe it's all right for we adults, but what about the goddamn kids, wise-ass?

I was a kid once and I believed I started cussing at about age 7. The liquor clerk at the local supermarket rebuffed a request of mine when he told me they were out of Chesterfields and I said, 'don't hand me that shit." He, however, wasn't out of a palm full of fingers that slapped the baseball cap off my bubble gum chewing head and out the door I went. I did get in the last word, though. Next month, I learned how to say, "motherf*cker."

The point? No matter how hard you try, these little folks pick things up and it isn't due to lax morals or any of that other shit. Everyone I knew cussed by fourth grade with the small exception of those who later would become priests or cops. It's life in the big city. As a parent, I would say something along the lines of, "Look, Heathcliff, I know the other kids do it, but that doesn't mean you are forced to. I mean if they all go to church, that doesn't mean you have to? Before you fire off, look around yourself, is what you're about to say really called for? A hammer on the thumb? Goddamn right. But, you're at breakfast and your hard-of-hearing great-grandmother is sitting across the table from you ... you don't say great-grandma pass the f*cking butter, you say 'Great Grandma, please pass the butter."

They're gonna pick things up because this is the real world. And I'd bet my car that any of the possible little offendees heard the word "shit" long before Whit spit one out on the turn-off road. No, I AM NOT encouraging the racers to feel free to say any shit they want. Again, time, place and condition, (if you can control your emotions) determine a lot. And as far as shit being a dirty word? Anatomically, it certainly is and that's all. I mean, really, what would this world be like if people were so bottled up and wrapped tight that "jeepers" was the strongest thing you were allowed to say? The mental hospitals of the world would outstrip this country's annual military budget.

NHRA should have just sucked it up. In fact, they should be glad that that little brick tumbled out of Bazemore's mouth. For a sport that publishes itself as super-bad, all-out, no limits, and grand theft should be a little embarrassed. What's wrong with a wee bit of pepper to liven up the broth? The racers aren't going to fall off the wagon that often; they have other pressures such as sponsors and the like, so to chastise a loyal competitor for a slip of the tongue for $10,000 ...

… well, I think it's a bunch of shit.

 

The Martin Chronicles [3-8-05]
This Weekend's Parallel Universe









 
 

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