ZENITH IF YOU WILL

Brandon Bernstein

DRO file photos by Tom West
10/7/05

“Hey Venus, oh Venus, make my wish come true.” – Frankie Avalon (Philadelphia poet laureate)

n some respects this particular column, “Best Single Heats I’ve Seen” would be the last entry chronologically no matter how long I or drag racing continued to exist. With all the governors being put on the Top Fuel cars, it’s plain that the era of all-out is just about all-in as far as world best ETs and mphs go. The era of diminished expectations is upon us. So that frame of mind now perched on the mantle between the boar’s head and squirrel pelt, I’ll wail about what will likely be my last great heat.

This particular race was not a race, but actually a side-by-side qualifier, but and within that frame, said get-together pegged my interest maybe more than any single race I’d seen to that point. The heat also is the most modern in this story set, the actual happening occurring on April 3, 2004 at the NHRA Summitnationals at Las Vegas. But it happened in a weird philosophical way. The side-by-sider was terrific, but its “terrific-ness” … Oh what the hell. I wish I could make that clearer, but Godfrey Daniel, I’m not that good a writer. Awwww ….

Lemme backtrack for a minute, and then I’ll pull out of the plummet in short order …

The copy editors at National DRAGSTER used to point out to me, never assume your readers knows what you do about racing, set the stage, give ‘em the facts leading to your point or particular example. Whimpering aside, I conceded their point, so once again, I’ll start a ramble with my usual bromide about the times at the drags being the oil that kept my interest greased, lo these past 42 years. Like Chris Karamesines’ observation, I just had to see what they (the fuel racers) would run next weekend.

My first race, June 22, 1963, I saw Kenny Safford and “the Sour Sisters” Olds fueler run San Fernando Raceway’s first 190-mph run, and from that day on, I wanted to see what “They” would do each and every week. A month or two later, I watched Karamesines run 193-mph charge at Pomona, a week after that Don Prudhomme fired the Greer-Black-Prudhomme dragster to a 195.65 at Fontana Raceway and on it went. Personal bests at the drags were more important than my home address.

At the time I lost my job at NHRA, June 22, 1998 (my 35th drag-racing anniversary, how about that for ironic), I had seen a best of 4.554 by Joe Amato and a 322.92 by Cory McClenathan. When I hooked up with Jeff Burk on Dragracingonline.com in 1999, I had missed the first 330-mph run, the first 4.4-second pass, the first Funny Car 320-mph run and a number of things. Suddenly I was out of the loop, my personal best viewings trailed the pack, like a 100-1 shot in a claimer race.

It wasn’t until the 2001 NHRA World Finals that I saw my first 330, that being the 330.31 and 330.15-mph charges by Mike Dunn and the New York Yankees dragster. The first 4.4-second run didn’t happen until the next year, the first Funny Car 4.6-second run not until the 2004 World Finals … oh man, I was a mess. The shirtless, longhaired, felony flight suspect braceleted on the “Cops” subject.