In preparation for the Dragracingonline.com staff Christmas booze and drug orgy i.e., party, it was asked of me the following: "Chris, you have a lot of records (over 12,000 78s, 45s and LPs). Is there something that you could recommend that would involve hot rods and Christmas?"

No.

The two mix like Sean Penn and Madonna. Talent in both corners, but together ... the Bikini Atoll H-Bomb test.

I suppose the most famous record would be the venerable Beach Boys cut, "Little St. Nick." The beach bullies were one of the finest vocal groups ever, certainly since World War II. Greatly influenced by the fabulous Four Freshmen a generation earlier, their harmony and to a great deal, their material, was matchless ... some of it. Unlike probably a lot of you, I hate nearly all of their hot rod and surfing sounds; instead I like their ballads and a few upbeaters like "Fun, Fun, Fun." To me, the Hollywood record industry's attempts to ingratiate themselves with 1960s surfing and hot rodding clientele, failed humongously 80-percent of the time. It's like Silicon Valley computer nerds taking up valuable space at a biker bar - get 'em outta here.

"Little St. Nick" sucks, in my opinion. You must have heard the song a million times, and if you're younger at least three or four dozen times. So I won't go through it verse by verse. I mean, what could be verse? (ha ha)

Instead of being a sourbelly, though, I'm going to tip you on some Christmas records that I think you will like. Unfortunately, because I am only situationally honest, I'm going to use the hot-rod-ish Beach Boys bummer to go into something else only half related. Great Christmas songs.

"Do You Hear What I Hear?" - Bing Crosby (Can't Remember the Label Records) Now that's a Christmas song. In fact, "Der Bingel" is, I think, one of the greatest Christmas singers ever. This song came out in the early 1970s and maximizes Crosby's masculine baritone to the ultimate. He sings it just like it was.

"White Christmas" - Bing Crosby. (Decca) The greatest Christmas song ever written. The Irving Berlin-penned opus was, and I'm close here, the third or fourth largest selling record of all-time. Why? 'Cuz people like it.

"Blue Christmas" - Elvis Presley. (RCA) After his Sun Record label period and the first 10 or so RCA sides, Presley did his best work with songs he really dug. Not so well with all that movie crap. He was a fabulous spiritual singer and a creative interpreter of black R&B. Duh. Anyway, this is Elvis being Elvis doing a rhythm and blues (ala Nashville) classic.

"Merry Christmas Baby" - Charles Brown. (Hollywood) Truly an R&B Christmas standard. Brown, along with Percy Mayfield, had a huge impact on Ray Charles, and it shows in this early 1950s classic. Brown was and is a fantastic scotch and soda-style smoothie at the keyboard and the backing band, Johnny Moore's Three Blazers, another super R&B outfit, complements nicely.

"Silent Night" - The Pilgrim Travelers. (Specialty) The Travelers were one of this country's pen-ultimate gospel vocal groups ranking up there with the Five Blind Boys From Alabama, the Swan Silvertone Singers, the Soul Stirrers (Sam Cooke, lead vocals), the Bells of Joy, and the Dixie Hummingbirds. This classic is done acapella (no instruments) and it's my favorite version of the song.

"It's Christmas Time" - The Five Keys. (Aladdin) The Keys rate, for me, as one of the top three or four of post-WWII vocal groups. Their versions of "Red Sails In the Sunset," "Ghost of a Chance," and "Darling" are absolute must-haves for anyone into black R&B vocal groups. "It's Christmas Time" keeps up that tradition.

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - Brenda Lee (Decca) This talented teen was Leanne Rimes before there was a Leanne Rimes. The possessor of a dynamic throaty voice, Lee could dry her hair with the Brittany Spearses and Christina Aguileras of the world and could probably show Leanne a thing or three.

"Green Christmas" - Stan Freberg (Capitol) Are you like me? Sick to friggin' death of the over-over-over commerciali$m of this flabby old holiday? Freberg, one of the great satirists of the last 50 years, takes the brass knuckles to Madison Ave., in a still funny and poignant record.

"White Christmas" - Charlie Parker (Trip) In my opinion, this is the greatest folk-art instrumentalist of the last century with only master talents Cecil Taylor and Art Tatum on the same level. The greatest alto saxophonist ever gives this Xmas standard be-bop jazz life, assisted greatly by Kenny Dorham (I think) on trumpet.

Still ... the original question was Christmas and hot rodding. Okay. We all know whose birthday it is on December 25th. And we all know what constitutes "hot car" consciousness ... soooo .....

"Jesus Built My Hot Rod" - Ministry - This is my favorite hot rod record of all-time. It has all the subtlety of a brick through the living room window. Compare this with "Little St. Nick." Mike Tyson versus Gary Coleman, right? Jon Lundberg, the sound of nitro-burning Funny Cars, and Butthole Surfers lead singer Gibby Haynes make this an aural body slam of the first order.

So there you are. Just a few traditional records for this most traditional of holidays. Christmas and rock? Yeah, there's stuff like that out there. Just like there are home invasion robbers.

I do want to leave you with one final tip on this rather scattered treatment of the subject. If you can't warm up to anything like the above, try "Silent Night" by Son of Pete, 20 years ago on Berserkley Records. Put the needle in the groove or whatever you do with those corporate CD players (put the laser to the aluminum?) and you get about 2 minutes and 30 seconds of blessed ... silence.