Who Said Summer Is Fun?

8/8/05

Jeff Burk Photo

ou know, if I ever start out a column and I’m not complaining or feeling sorry for myself, then it will be a cold day in some place approaching the temperatures in Azusa, California!
Since we last touched base, a lot of crazy things have been going on in my little mixed-up world.

First off as I’m writing this, we are getting Gaynor’s car ready for Ron Capps to take on the world at Pomona for the Goodguys Nitro Nationals in mere days! By the time this goes to "print," the Nitro Nationals at Pomona, scheduled for August 5th through 7th, will be just a memory - and hopefully a beautiful memory.

If you don’t know anything about the Ron Capps/Gaynor extravaganza, then either you’ve been on a six-month retreat in Tibet or you need to get on your computer more often. Tell the old lady that eBay and those patchwork quilt message boards are taking away your serious drag race Internet time; either that or you need to be going online at work on the boss’ nickel.

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Anyway, we have been testing all sorts of weird stuff out on Gaynor’s car and finally threw the rods out of the poor thing a mere three weeks before Pomona. Cue the kooky chase music from “The Great Race” here. Picture me in Tony Curtis’ white outfit and Pammy in…well forget it, let’s talk about the mess we made. One block: junk. One crank: junk. Four rods: evaporated. Four more rods and eight pistons: caught in the crossfire. What the hell, toss the whole rotating assembly! After all, we got a deal from Mopar! Oil pan? Please, you must be joking. Two heads: not happy.

Anyway, we blew the poor thing up a good three weeks before we’re supposed to run with an inverted rent-a-driver (meaning, he PAYS; well, somebody did.) -- a rent-a-driver that wants to go fast. As if I don’t want to go fast. Basically, what’s going to happen is Gaynor’s car is going to hit the starting line at Pomona with a lot of REAL NICE stuff, i.e. expensive and NEW. Jeff Gaynor and Dale Pulde have the clutch issues dealt with and it should haul derriere right out of the box.

What about me? Glad you asked. A lot of folks have been saying, “Why, if I was Jeff, I’d be p.o.ed about that Brut-wearing nancy boy taking my ride.” Well, don’t feel too sorry for me, I’m going to be driving Gary Turner’s car, as it looks like it will be ready right at the eleventh hour. For those who don’t know, Gary was the GT of GT bicycles and did okay for himself over the years. Now, Gary’s downside is that he is a drag racer; he’s had cars driven by guys like Tom Bristow, Cruz Pedregon and Bobby Taylor, who he led to a world championship in Alcohol Dragster.

Now, he’s got some hack named Utterback driving for him. Hey, that’s me behind the butterflies. Now, this Utterback guy (me again!) is just a fill-in for Kris Krable who, after all the license passes are done, will be Turner’s driver. For now, I get to play with Gary’s stuff. Turner’s car is a Plymouth Arrow with lots of trick stuff underneath: BAE block, Alan Johnson heads, the latest Littlefield blower, a way-too-sexy-for-itself Dave Benjamin clutch and some other items and approaches that differ from the other Nostalgia Funny Car guys. If the whole above scenario wasn’t inbred and hillbilly enough for ya, then get a load of this: the tune up will be a cooperative of a Gaynor/Turner/Demarest setup. Look for an easy 6.50 from the get go. If not, write me a letter and complain.