The Short-Legged
Tire-Biter (Annoyingus Brattius) - Although
tiny in size, exceptionally swift and difficult
to capture, these creatures are quite common
at the dragstrip. They can be found gathering
in packs under the grandstands and around booths
containing 1/64 scale cars, which they find
irresistible. Objects such as pans of dirty
motor oil, carefully arranged trays of nuts
and bolts and anything expensive and/or easily
broken can lure the smaller of the species.
Not surprisingly, their favored diet consists
of Sno-cones, French fries and funnel cakes.
However, what is unusual is the methods utilized
by them to secure these foodstuffs. Through
the use of a special call, either a repetitive
whine or a piercing high-pitched wail, they
attract larger species into obtaining these
favored foods for them. A similar method is
also used by the Common Bimbo, however a softer
version of this whine is used and results in
larger and more expensive delicacies to be brought
forth.
The Greater Drag
Fan (Knowit Allitus) - This species is
scarce in number and is often confused with
the Common Drag Fan by less experienced people
watchers. It is visually difficult to tell the
difference between them, however, the voices
of the two species are quite different and easily
distinguished. The easiest way to identify the
Greater Drag Fan is to lie in wait near a Cacklefest
car, its favored habitat, and listen for their
distinct and complex vocalizations, which are
often delivered in a boisterous and repetitious
manner. If you hear one of his or her three
primary calls, "Back when I was driving a Top
Fuel car, when Top Fuel cars were real Top Fuel
cars," "When I was at the last drag race at
Lions," and "If I was in charge of the VRA,
only cars with three-point roll cages would
be allowed to run," you'll know for certain
you've spotted one of these unusual creatures.
The Greater Drag Fan is highly sociable but
tends to congregate in packs with its own species
where it can hear its calls echoed back. When
an occasional stray is seen walking through
the Top Fuel pits, it can often be heard to
be making grumbling and harrumphing sounds.
So study up now, junior anthropologists, and
soon you'll be ready to grab a pair of binoculars,
a pith helmet and a beige canvas vest with lots
of silly mesh pockets before you head for the
March Meet. And whatever you do, if you see
a Lesser Drag Journalist further than arm's
reach from a margarita under no circumstances
should you approach it. We bite.
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