Pick My New Year’s Resolution

1/7/05

Jeff Burk Photo

Round about New Year’s, I do what most people do. I come up with a really great New Year’s resolution. I spend the week after Christmas thinking up a bunch of really major things I need to change about myself, agonize endlessly about which one to pick, narrow it down to the hardest three or four and from that, cull the most painful one and vow that, whatever it is, I will see it through. Of course, by about January 3rd, I have moved on to more important things. And the great part is, since I haven’t told anyone, the rest of the world is none the wiser.

So this year, in the spirit of democracy…no wait, let me rephrase that… in the spirit of indecisiveness, I’ve come up with a better plan.

You know, there is nothing lazier than letting people do your work for you. And if there is anyone who deserves to be leisurely, it’s me. So, what I am going to do is lay out my New Year’s resolution options for you here. You, the Chicks ‘n’ Slicks reading public (Yes, all three of you. And, yes, I’m counting my editor) can choose which resolution I should live by this year.

Resolution #1 – I’ll get my Chicks ‘n’ Slicks column in by deadline

I already know that there is going to be at least one vote for this one.

(DRO Note – Everyone who votes for this one will be sent free stuff from the DRO store.)

Resolution #2 – I will not hang out with rapscallions at the meets.

Water always seeks its own level. My husband notwithstanding, I tend to look for the lowest common denominator when I’m at the races – a guy wearing flowered pants and of doubtful sanity, the Vipers’ with their margarita machine, The Wenches with Wrenches crew, Chris Martin…

Really, these are all the people that I love to hang out with. Take the guy with the flowered pants, for instance. There was a guy a couple of years ago who used to wander the pits - the guy was probably in his late fifties, and every race he would wear these totally bitchin’ jeans from about 1967, covered in a flower pattern that even Hilo Hattie said was too loud. So, what do I do? Of course, I have to go up and talk to him. Then he shows me pictures of him in the same jeans in 1967. And when I get close enough to check out the photos, I started wondering if he had washed them since those pictures were taken.

I used to say that I was a freak magnet, but I am beginning to acknowledge that they don’t come to me, I go find them. I gravitate toward the fringe element… and in my book, the fringier, the better. Yep, gimme a guy or gal taking a circuitous route through the pits and I’m like “Whooo! Mobile party! I’m there!”

So how about for 2005, I will not hang with anyone less than totally respectable at the races. Yep, that will be me… going to the races, up in the stands by myself!

Resolution #3 – I will not whine for music instead of babbling announcers during oil downs

I think the next time I whine about this, everyone should just do what I do when my kids go, “But maaaaamaaaaaaa…..”. I stick my fingers in my ears and sing “La la la la la. I can’t hear you till you use your pleasant voice.”

Resolution #4 – I will wear shorter skirts to back up the Gaynor/Utterback Funny Car

This is actually a trick question (trick resolution?), as they don’t make shorter skirts than the ones I wore last year. Maybe what I’ll do is grow longer legs.