What Kind of Drag Racing Person ARE You?

4/8/05

Jeff Burk Photo

love racers. The only thing that I figure is that it’s the “Jerry Springer Audience Member” in me. I inexplicably love people who think it's fun to make other people cry. My mom always says, “You’re known by the company you keep” and yep, sad to say that I find it amusing to hang out with folks who have an urge to create carnage in their wake and blow up ten thousand dollars worth of parts so they can take home a $14 plastic trophy.

But does hanging out with racers mean that deep down inside you are a racer? Not necessarily. I had never really thought about it before, but it came as a revelation to me when I was talking to a BMX racer last weekend. The aforementioned racer and I were chatting about drag racing, a sport she says she loves more than BMX. She was asking me about my husband, Jeff and the Funny Car he drives and then she said to me, “So, what class are you going to run?” I stammered for a moment and then blurted out, “None! I don’t want to race.”

She, being a racer herself, was mystified, bewildered and utterly perplexed at this answer. It was as if I told her, “I realize I live in the U.S., but I’m not that interested in speaking English.” And at that moment it hit me that there are at least two kinds of people in this world. People who have racing in their blood – the type who feel less than whole unless they are in the winner’s circle saying “Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! I’m faster than you.” And then there’s everyone else.

ADVERTISEMENT

But after that conversation, I gave it some thought. Are there really only two types who go to the drags? No, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are actually four kinds of people in the beautiful circle of life we call the drag racing food chain.

Why four? Because I’ve developed a highly scientific, Cosmo-like quiz to determine which type you are and everyone knows that Cosmo-like quizzes only have four choices.

So, pick the answers that describe you best and then figure out your true identity through the scoring at the bottom.

1. When at the track beer stand, I

A. Complain that the prices are too high and that if my “friends” didn’t drink so much, I might be able to come to the races more often.

B. Choose the line I think will be the shortest and then develop high blood pressure when the longer line goes faster

C. Keep going up with a different friend each time I visit the stand, promising that I’ll buy the “next round”

D. What beer stand? Oh, you must mean the place that my friends have visited when they bring me back a beer.