Now that would be a different approach, wouldn't
it? Admittedly, it's a little more ginned up
than "Hi, I'm Bob 'Buy a Chrysler Right This
Second' Hope," but you can see how it would
strike up the band for the viewer. I mean, look
at pro wrestling, I'm not saying use the exact
verbiage of Freddie ("Listen Up You, Pencil
Neck Geeks!") Blassie or Ric ("Stylin' and Profilin'")
Flair, but I am saying, capture their spirit.
Look at guys like cable TV loudmouth Jim Rome,
the Worst Damned Sport's Show Period or dozens
of NFL or MLB players. They are opinionated,
energetic, and usually watchable. Create a little
(as in no overkill) controversy, speak to the
issue at hand. Build interest in the particular
event and sport. Right now, the scale is tipped
to the point of collapsing in a pile at the
feet of the wallets and I think this, in the
long run, is counter-productive.
The viewer deserves better than what's out
there now. Now, if the sponsor has it in the
contract that you have to say the company's
name in your spiel. Go in the lounge, put aside
the practice tree (you already know how to drive
one of these beasts) and pen up a few small
notes. A few humble samples are offered below.
MUST MENTION SPONSORS
QUOTES AFTER WIN
Tony Schumacher
- "Just like in the papers. U.S. Army - 1; Afghanistan
- Nuthin'. Indy Nationals -Tony Schumacher -
Won; Top Fuel Terrorists - nothing. The mother
of all bombs, baby!"
Rhonda Hartman-Smith
- "A first round-loss FRAM me to you, pal!"
Dale Creasy Jr.
- "Why did we win? We're CRAFTSMEN; they're
not."
Ron Capps - "Close
race? I ran away from that fool like a SKOAL-ded
dog."
Dean Skuza - "What
did I say to him after I passed him up? SKUZA
me, but You're blocking my way to the pay window."
DON'T HAVE TO MENTION
SPONSORS AFTER WIN
Doug
Kalitta - "He said this isn't a sprint
car race. And I said, sizing it all up, this
isn't a midget race, either."
Greg Anderson
- "Hey Warren, after you trailer the car, get
me a scotch."
Whit Bazemore
- "I drive like Whit Bazemore; he drives like
Whit (ney) Spears."
Del Worsham -
"Did I see him?? I thought I was on a single."
A consistent DNQer
- "How do you get this thing to run fives? (aside)
What was that? It's fours now??? FOURS??"
Okay, I'll wrap it up. Shameless, repetitive,
uncreative, mind-numbing sponsor worship from
an upwardly sport like drag racing, or an established
con job like NASCAR, overtime will eventually
contribute to its downfall. Let the stars be
stars. The fans don't like this corporate hose
job. It's a joke. Run a ribbon at the bottom
or top of the screen, but the let the racer
talk about the race. Let he or she be REAL or,
at least, be true to the competition. I mean
if a bunch of steroid-inflated WWE bodybuilders
can do it, drag racers and, in general, auto
racers can do it, too.
...and...
A RETRACTION (OF SORTS)
In a recent column titled, "Seattle Sucks,"
I jumped on the NHRA pressroom people about
the stats that had been showing up in many of
the nation's dailies. To digress, I said I hated
the form where they just listed how the 16 racers
in the pro categories finished and not give
the round-by-round with elapsed times and miles
per hour. I stand somewhat corrected.
According to NHRA's Anthony Vestel, the association
sends the slammed 16 finishers AND the round-by-rounders,
and it's up to the papers to decide what to
use. Okay, if I had to slump into last wordism,
I would say don't give the dailies that option,
but what do I know? I also heard that a few
of the pro racers actually lobbied for the top
16 finishers approach. Two words to them: butt
out. Writers don't tell you how to drop a crankshaft,
don't tell us how to dangle our modifiers.
Did I say that right? 
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