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The Tipsy Trickster's
odds on Indy
By Chris Martin
and Jeff Burk
 unny
Cide at the Derby. Tisnow in both Breeder'sCups.
Curtis and Micheel at the British and PFA tourneys.
The out-on-a-limb 300 wins for the "Rajah of
Rinsewater" Clemens. Marvin Harrison making
a record 143 NFL grabs last year. Roy Halladay
the AL's lead twirler at the break. Michael
Vick breaks a pin in training camp. Bob Hope
doesn't make it to 101. Steven Seagal fails
to get an Academy Award nomination for the 15th
straight year. Disco redords continue to be
worthless. So do "Dubya" and "Rummy." California
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is recalled within
a week and Gray Davis is reinstated.
What else do you wanna know? Have I called them right or what?
Huh? The U.S. what? Oh please. Alright. Clear the field, some men are
going to do some predicting. . . .
And with the echoes of a fallen bar stool, a 12-ounce mug, and its 165-
lb. attendant crashing to the floor at the Corner Cooler, we thought we
overheard these. . .
THE 49TH ANNUAL NHRS U.S.
NATIONALS PROGNOSTICATIONS
| TOP
FUEL |
| Larry
Dixon |
Miller
Lite |
3
to 2 |
Another
pistol-whipping from Prudhomme's private
dick. To quote the late Marc Danekas, "Blood
all over the place." |
| Doug
Kalitta |
Mac
Tools |
2
to 1 |
If
Indy had a high groove and if a fueler could
kick up dirt clods -- first place. They
can't, so second place. |
| Kenny
Bernstein |
Budweiser
King |
4
to 1 |
Here,
likely the Budweiser Jack. (I'd say Budweiser
Queen, but I value my front teeth) |
| Tony
Schumacher |
U.S.
Army |
4
to 1 |
The
Fedayeen at Indy will prove to be as tough
as the ones in Baghdad. Alan Johnson will
go to the whip early. |
| David
Baca |
American
Racing |
7
to 1 |
Two
rounds and then it's Mongolian Racing. |
| Clay
Millican |
104
Octane |
7
to 1 |
Yeah,
he runs IHRA and he dominates and broke
Gar's win record. If he wins, it's best
thing that could happen to NHRA Top Fuel. |
| Darrell
Russell |
Bilstein
Racing |
8
to 1 |
Engine
flush? Unfortunate term for what will probably
happen in round two. |
| Cory
McClenathan |
Berryman/
Yankees |
9
to 1 |
Beanball!!
Naw, but the Indy experience should be a
brushback. |
| Doug
Herbert |
Snap-On
Tools |
10
to 1 |
"Snap-On!
Snap-Off! The Scrapper!" Doug-zilla
will meed Tokyo scientists midway instead
of Clay. |
| Shirley
Muldowney |
Matco/T3 |
12
to 1 |
In
a corporate world, a win here would be like
opening a '77 Fonseca Port in front of a
wine expert. |
| Scott
Weis |
Race
Girl Racing |
13
to 1 |
"Girl,
you'll be a woman soon." That's what
Kalitta technology has accomplished. |
| Rhonda
Hartman-Smith |
Fram |
17
to 1 |
Hyphen,
hyphen, who's got the hyphen? Mrs. Hartman-Smith
may be a runner-up. |
| Paul
Romine |
CARQUEST |
18
to 1 |
So
you though you'd seen the last of the Carriers,
Wally? Check this one out. |
| Don
Garlits |
Summit
Racing Equipment |
19
to 1 |
Remember
when he'd be automatically No. 1? Life sucks. |
| David
Grubnic |
Miller
Eng. |
22
to 1 |
Smart
Australian guy should be able to wrangle
a qualifying spot. |
| Bobby
Lagana |
Twilight
Zone |
30
to 1 |
Two
4.87's. Careful, Bobby, Twilight Zone can
easily become an X-Files subject. |
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