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Dear Madame Pamita,
Will Ron Capps have another ride next year?
Who will be sponsoring his car?
Signed,
Lonely Lady |
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Dear Lonely,
Ah, a two-part question. You are aware that that Madame
Pamita will charge you extra, of course? Let me see … yes,
he’s coming into view. No, wait, he’s obscured
now by several supermodels … no, wait, now I can see
him again. Yes, he’s in a firesuit. That looks promising … unless
he’s just hanging out in a firesuit to score with the
chicks. No … he’s in a firesuit and a crew chief
is standing next to him. Good! Good! That means he’s
going to be driving next year. OK … his crew chief
is pointing to his watch and telling him it’s time
to get in the staging lanes. Oh dear! The ladies won’t
let him go. He’s running down the pit lanes and this
pack of gorgeous women is chasing after him. Wait ... he
is almost at the car! Ah! It all makes sense now ... I can
see the car and oh, yes … it says he’s sponsored
by Hai Karate. Dang it, now those girls are in the way again.
Can’t see a damn thing.
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Dear Madame Pamita,
What will you be doing in 2005?
Signed,
Your Biggest Fan |
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Dear Biggest,
It takes a seer with profound powers of prognostication
to be able to look into her own future … but thankfully,
you are dealing with a pro here. Let Madame Pamita pull aside
the veil which enshrouds the realm of the occult and look
once again into her crystal orb. Ah yes ... I see myself.
Jeez, I’m going to have to do something about those
bags under my eyes … oh, wait … that’s
my reflection. Focus ... Focus ... Ah, yes! Now I am in the
visionary state. I see myself backing up a Funny Car. Well,
so what? That’s nothing new. Let me whack the side
of this thing. There, that’s better! Ah yes … I
see myself sitting at a desk. I’m furiously writing
notes on paper and then … why, this is bizarre … I’m
looking into my crystal ball. Wow! I’m looking into
my crystal ball and seeing me looking into my crystal ball.
Damn, if this thing was high-definition, I could see into
the future of the future. I’m looking into the crystal
ball and then writing more notes. I’m finishing up
the paper and then signing it. Let me see what I’m
signing … ah, yes! I’m signing it “The
Tricky Tipster”! Now the vision is fading.
Well, there you have it folks. My forecast for the upcoming
season. I’d love to stick around and give you more,
but I have to put in a call to my bookie … I mean,
I have to call my mother. Yeah, that’s it!
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